Time Obstacles
Please give us some practical ideas for reducing the busyness that gets in the way of our marriage relationship. We are too busy to
even talk to each other, and have very little family time. It is killing me.
Sandy—Palo Alto, California
Every family is different and must find effective ways to address issues specific to their experience. You have identified busyness as a key element that gets in the way of your having a closer and better relationship with your husband. While many couples are too busy to spend quality and quantity time with each other, there are different reasons for this reality.
There are couples who are too busy because one or both of the spouses have two jobs, or one of them is working fulltime and going to school full-time. In other instances, one or both of the spouses are working long hours either because they are going through a very busy time at work, have the kind of employment that demands a lot from an individual, or someone is using work as an excuse to stay away from the other—either because he or she has lost interest or is avoiding conflict that has been left unresolved.
You must take close inventory of your marital relationship and determine which of the above reasons is causing the lack of couple time for you. Be honest with yourself, as the spouse who has identified busyness as the culprit for your lack of stronger, more intimate relationship. Once you have determined what category you and your husband are in, you will know whether your situation is seasonal or permanent.
If your problem is seasonal—because one of you might be going to school to finish a degree to better position himself or herself for the job market—this will come to an end with graduation. However, if your concern is more permanent because of the type of work one of you has chosen, or perhaps one of you is staying late at work to avoid spending time with the other, you must agree to talk, sooner than later, about what your current schedule is doing to your relationship.
This conversation will be fruitful only if you have great communication skills. If you are not very good at listening attentively without accusing or blaming your mate, we would suggest engaging the help of a good Christian counselor who has the skills to help you manage this important conversation.
If you are both honest and committed to each other, you will be able to take important steps, however small, to improve your bond. Be optimistic. Give your relationship the benefit of the doubt. This is an opportunity for new beginnings in your marriage relationship. Most important, trust God who has promised to supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19).
We hope that from this day forward you and your husband will make whatever adjustments need to be made to get your marriage back on track, and be in a position to leave a formidable legacy to your children and their children. We are praying for you.
| Wille Oliver, PH.D & Elaine Oliver , MA - |
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Elaine Oliver and Willie Oliver are directors of the Department of Family Ministries for the Seventh-day Adventist Church World Headquarters. An ordained minister, Willie holds a PhD in Family Sociology, and masters' degrees in Pastoral Counseling and Sociology. He is the former Director of Family Ministries for the Seventh-day Adventist Church in North America, the Atlantic Union Conference, and the Greater New York Conference. Read More >> |
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From This Day Forward - 2011 Sept/Oct - Lets Talk, Please